Hey gorgeous!
I hope all is well in your world, and that you feel perfectly aligned with your desired timeline.
Speaking of timeline… Yours truly has a confession to make. You might have seen it coming from day one, if you’ve followed me for a while… Or, if you’re new to my world, this might come as a surprising turn of events. So, grab your favorite cup of latte, babe, and make yourself nice and cosy, because this is about to get really juicy! #LongRead 🤓
Ok, ready? Let’s get started!
I have been sacrificing my highest timeline—the one where I lead with my heart, and not my logical mind. It has become crystal clear to me that I have been subscribing to an idea of what I should be doing, instead of following my heart, and not the heart of others.
Over 3 years ago now, I was so desperate to “be in my purpose”, that I followed and subscribed to other people’s idea of what a spiritual purpose could be. I ditched the adult entertainer career. I ditched the stripper gigs. I lived on my savings for a year and took time to heal from health issues I had to deal with. And out of desperation, I started giving astrology readings. I thought this would be a great spiritual business idea, but I quickly realized that I truly hated it. It was incredibly frustrating and draining my soul like nothing else before.
As someone who had always been notorious for following her passions, this time I “tried something different” and as I internalized other people’s pseudo spiritual sense of sacrifice, I went on to sacrifice all my artistry, all my creative side, and most importantly my music, in order to devote myself to a so-called purpose that would look good to my people. By my people, I mean: my mother, a psychic medium who has greatly internalized (and pushed on her children) the paradigm of sacrifice in the name of spirituality of the now obsolete Age of Pisces. I mean a few new, but nonetheless important female friends at the time, who also were psychics and operating from that place. I had abandonment wounds that were bleeding and I was desperate for a sense of belonging: I had just left my home country, a 5 year relationship, a home, a financially successful career, and all my friends.
And this is what spiritual wounds will do to you: it will have you sacrifice your truth for everything that acts or feels like temporary relief. You will use that as a band aid and call it a life. But back to my story… When I realized being an astrologer was definitely not for me, I was still operating under the premise that I should be doing something spiritual for a living (read: to make money). Cue a spiritual business idea. And since the easiest thing in the world for me has always been to make music and record my voice, building a meditation platform where I would sell recordings of meditations that I’d make myself from A to Z was kind of a no-brainer.
When you create an online business or brand, you will usually have to take your project through two phases, or stages of development. The first stage is the creation of the content: in my case, that was the meditations themselves that I had to record, a blog and website to explain what these were to the public, social media posts to develop the brand identity, and a podcast to share my vision around it all. The second stage is the marketing phase, where you will book press, TV shows, radio interviews, podcast tours to promote everything you have built—because creating is cool, but without promotion, you won’t go very far.
In 2024, I had recorded over 60 meditations, created a blog where I published over 50 pages worth of content, released over 40 podcasts episodes, and developed two social media accounts for that personal brand of mine. And as I realized that I had successfully created nearly 90% of what I wanted to create for that project, it was time to think about phase 2.
As I contemplated what kind of promotion I wanted, like a podcast agent or a YouTube channel, I also had to think about the 3D practical things required for that phase, namely money. Anyone who has an individual online business will tell you that it is fairly normal to spend anywhere between 20k and 80k (if not more) for marketing. That, I would have to manifest. I would have to either borrow, find investors, or graciously receive from God knows where. And that’s where it hit me: the mere thought of having to spend tenths of thousands of dollars that I didn’t have, on the marketing for that project, made me sick to my stomach. I realized that if I had such money, I would not actually want to spend it on that: I would rather spend it on my music.
And to be honest, music has always been the sponsoring thought, or the secret motive if you will, for that whole enterprise: “When my business takes off, then I’ll finally be free to make all the music I want”. “When I’m independent financially, then I’ll be able to finally live the life of my dreams and live in a house in French Polynesia with my own recording studio, where I will make beautiful records”. Except that this little voice got louder and louder, and my patience ran out as time went by. I had trapped myself in a vision that was never mine to begin with, sacrificing my true soul purpose that I had always been very clear about, to instead fit an imaginary bill of what I should be doing.
Quite unexpectedly, a very healing moment (or rather, a moment where I could see all the healing I’d done) was the falling out of the aforementioned friendships with my young psychic medium friends. One day, as they projected their traumas and wounds (and therefore, as psychics, their visions of their own future and purpose) onto me, I simply stopped trying to abide to their visions in order to appease them and save our friendship. While for years prior, I always “acted like the bigger person”, swallowed my pride and even decided that “they might be right” (I mean they were psychic, right? Surely they would know better than me? Or so I thought back then), so that I would not suffer their abandonment… That time was different. That day, I decided to call them out (lovingly of course) on their bullshit. That day, I decided that their projections were not my cross to bear.
It did cost me these friendships. But I was set free. Or at least, the shackles came off… But like the horse tied to a plastic chair, it took me a while to realize that this whole vision I had subscribed to from a wounded place, had no more reason to be. It took me a while to realize that healing did take place, that deep self-acceptance and self-love had indeed replaced codependent tendencies and abandonment wounds.
And if anyone knows anything about manifesting their dreams… That would be me. So, why on Earth was I trying to empower everyone and their cousin to make them dreams come true… Except myself? Why did I not start believing in my own dreams from day one? Well, everything you just read above is half of the equation. The other half is comprised of the common limiting beliefs in the music industry, an industry I know very well from the inside. I’m not going to list all the limiting beliefs in the music industry because that’s not why you are here. But a big one is that there’s no money in this industry unless you are willing to sell your soul.
And as I indeed witnessed many struggling soulful artists around me, I had simply decided that it was not gonna be me, honey. I was going to be rich first, because that, I know it now, is also my destiny. And I will then be a rich, self-empowered, soulful artist. I would leave the struggle to others. They can have it if they like. So, I temporarily gave up on my dream, because I didn’t see how I could have both at the same time. It did not yet occur to me that if the path I desired for myself didn’t seem to exist yet, it was because I was supposed to be the one to create it and model it for others. Now talk about purpose…
All my manigens and manifestors here know deep inside their souls that they are the ones to break the molds, blaze new trails and be way-showers for people. And with the Channel of Inspiration in my incarnation cross, I am supposed (from a human design perspective, at least), to make my dreams come true, so that I can then be an inspiration to people.
As you can imagine, this revelation didn’t occur overnight. It brewed over the last 6 months or so. I went through all the colors of the emotional rainbow. At first, I was tired. Then, I was frustrated. And then, I was angry. So angry, it made me sick for weeks. I was angry at the world, for having conditioned me. I was angry at my aforementioned friends, for projecting onto me. I was angry at my other friends, for not seeing the truth in all this. And most importantly, I was angry at myself for wasting my own time and energy. Anger is a very powerful emotion, because it’s the one that will bring you the strong urge to make changes.
And then I remembered who TF I was. And that I am a powerful creator. This I know for sure. And I also remembered that I have the agency to choose the consciousness I bring to anything, which I know, and you’ve heard me say it like a broken record, will determine its outcome for me. I chose to see that I didn’t waste my own time: I healed myself so much, I now know for sure that I will not bring my previous wounds to my music career and to my art—because wherever you go, there you are, and so when you’re wounded, it follows you everywhere like a trail of fresh blood. I know I will not manifest the career challenges and hurdles too many artists have, because I don’t come at it from a wounded place, but from a super empowered place.
I chose to see that I now had all the tools, spiritual and practical, for success, as I had worked on my money mindset and my wealth energetics, healed my financial trauma, learned to build and run an online business complete with a blog, a newsletter and a podcast, had educated myself on investing and even learned highly technical investing modalities (you guys know I have a secret passion for studies)—because, as one of my music mentors says, if you’re an artist and you don’t think of yourself as a business, then you’re deluding yourself and are doomed to fail.
I chose to see that two years of devoting myself to my spirituality made me an incredibly clear channel, and that I will never suffer “writer’s block” or lack of inspiration, because I made what was already the most natural thing to me my superpower, to a level I know very few human beings on earth have yet.
And I chose to see that not only am I fully ready to devote myself to a career in the music business, I am now free from the prison of other people’s perspective. Having to accept myself as an adult starlet was a piece of cake. Having to accept myself as someone who hears extraterrestrials in her head was another story. I am really at this place where I could not care less what people think of me—not just random people, but my peers, family and friends. I now truly know that their projections are not my problem.
And I choose to see that I am finally choosing myself, from my own volition. Nobody tried to rescue me out of my misalignment—although I sometimes wished someone did. Nobody, friends or spirit guides, tried to nudge me back onto the right path—although I sometimes wished they did. You see, nobody will save you from a wrong timeline, babe. Not your besties, not your coaches, not Jesus. Free will, honey. Nobody will choose it for you. You have to choose it for yourself.
No guide worthy of the name will influence you and rob you of your free will. And no best friend will save you either, as they’re either out of alignment themselves, or if they aren’t, they will support you in your exploration even if they don’t truly see that for you, or they will tell you bluntly and you just won’t listen (I have all three around me). And admittedly, we wouldn’t have it any other way, would we?
I am finally free. And now this is the part where I tell you what you might have been sensing all along: that I am now fully dedicating myself to my music. I am recording my first album in a few years, and this brings me so much joy, and so much aliveness, I have tears of gratitude in my eyes just writing about it. You see, no amount of gratitude for what is can wipe away the inconvenient truth of who you are. No amount of pseudo spiritual positivity can heal away the unpleasant emotions that come with misalignment. The truth will set you free. Your truth will set you free.
I still have quite a bunch of unreleased material. Namely a few High Vibe Audios, some blog articles, and 3 podcasts episodes (one of which being about music). I am not at a place right now where I have the energy to deal with that, the editing, the releasing and promoting. I might, or might not release these in the future.
All my High Vibe Audios are still available for you to purchase, and will be for about a year or so—that’s how long I’ve paid the payment processor, website hosting and digital store for. Please enjoy them—I poured so much love into these. My destiny might not be for my voice to end up in meditation bundles, but trust that everything I put my voice on will have the frequency of my soul attached to it. The podcast will remain available on all major listening platforms for as long as they allow it.
I will pop back in sporadically, namely to tell you my new name for my upcoming music project, so that you can follow and join me on that adventure if you so wish.
Thank you, from the bottom and the top of my heart, for having been with me on this journey. I have learned so much, and I hope that through my eyes and voice, you did, too. I am now looking towards the future with utmost joy and excitement.
In love and gratitude,
THEODORA 💖💖💖
